Tuesday, 7 July 2026

Family Values - Pyjama-time


The well brought up boy should follow a daily routine to keep him fully occupied and prevent the sort of mischievous behaviour that so often lands them in trouble. A boy’s pyjama-time is an important aspect of this regime, part of the formal structure of his day. In some households pyjama-time has become something of a ritual during which the boy is made ready to be put into his pyjamas by being undressed in the family room at a set time of the day. Whether or not there are visitors present it makes no difference and the preparations for the boy’s pyjama-time proceed as normal.


Thirteen year old Oscar is one such boy who, even though he thinks that now he’s a teenager he should be allowed to put on his own pyjamas, is still subject to what has lately become an increasingly embarrassing routine. Mummy continues to get Oscar ready for his pyjama-time in the same way as she’s always done ever since he was a little boy. Even now that he has begun to enter puberty Oscar is still undressed in the family room. Mummy isn’t at all bothered if one of her neighbours has popped round for a gossip. If it’s Oscar’s pyjama-time, she sets about getting her son undressed and ready to be put into his pyjamas just as she’s always done.


One day Oscar returned home from school to find mummy having a cup of tea in the living room with their new neighbour who had called round to introduce himself.


“Come and say ‘hello’ to Mr Wheeler, Oscar,” she told her son, “He’s just moved in next door.”


Oscar dutifully did what he was told and went to stand in front of the neighbour before offering his hand to shake with Mr Wheeler.


“What a polite young boy you have, Mrs Pipe,” Mr Wheeler said turning to Oscar’s mother. “And I might add a very smart young boy as well. It’s not often you see a boy dressed in proper school trousers these days.”


Mummy smiled: “Oh, you mean the short trousers Oscar is wearing? We try our best, although Oscar’s not above complaining… he’s been pestering me for a pair of long trousers like some of the boys in his class wear to school,” she explained.


Some? Oscar blushed. That was unfair, he thought.  All of his classmates wore long trousers! The subject of Oscar’s school trousers was a sore point with the thirteen year old. Oscar thought he should have been promoted to long trousers ages ago; none of the boys in his class at school wore short trousers any more. Maddeningly though his mummy always told Oscar there was plenty of wear left in his short trousers and she didn’t see why he shouldn’t continue to wear them. Unfortunately a couple of growth spurts didn’t help Oscar’s cause; that he was old enough to be allowed long trousers. Mrs Pipe pointed out that if she had promoted Oscar to longs, she would have had to buy him new trousers each time his legs grew a bit longer, whereas he could happily carry on wearing the same pair of short trousers however long his legs got. Mrs Pipe might also have added that she thought her son looked so cute and adorable wearing short trousers that she’d had them all specially altered to be as thigh-baringly short as possible, but she was far too discreet to admit it. He’s got such lovely legs, she would say to herself, it’s a shame to cover them up.


“Mummy tells me you’re in the Boy Scouts, Oscar,” Mr Wheeler said to the boy whose face turned a slightly deeper shade of pink. Oscar was a shy boy and always felt nervous when a grown-up spoke to him in expectation of an answer.


When Oscar failed to reply Mr Wheeler smiled: “What? Cat got your tongue? When I was your age I couldn’t wait to get changed into my Boy Scout uniform, especially when our patrol was going to be camping out.” He paused before adding brightly, “Tell you what, why don’t you go and get your Boy Scout uniform to show me and I’ll tell you if it’s like the one I used to wear.”


It was mummy’s turn to smile. She thought it was a splendid idea and told Oscar to take Mr Wheeler up to his bedroom and show him his Boy Scout uniform.


Oscar led the way upstairs and along the landing to his bedroom. They went in and Mr Wheeler looked around the room as Oscar opened his wardrobe and pulled out one of the drawers where his scout uniform was kept. Oscar’s single divan bed was covered with a candlewick bedspread on top of which Mr Wheeler saw a pair of traditional boy’s pyjamas. On the small table next to the other side of the bed Mr Wheeler’s eyes came to rest upon a glass measuring jar between the bedside light and a small bedroom clock. Standing inside the jar was what looked like a thermometer… a long slim clinical thermometer with a bulbous red rubber tip. Mr Wheeler didn’t need to be told this was a boy’s rectal thermometer. He leant forward slightly and squinted enough to read that it was the ‘Junior’ size model. Next to the jar Mr Wheeler saw a small tub of what was undoubtedly lubricating jelly of some sort to be used to ease the passage of the thermometer as it entered Oscar’s bottom.


That thermometer must be the first thing Oscar sees in the morning when he wakes up… and probably the last thing he sees at night, Mr Wheeler thought. A reminder, as if any were needed, of the embarrassment, shame and discomfort he endures when mummy decides to take his temperature. 


Oscar got out his Boy Scout uniform to show it to Mr Wheeler and immediately saw what Mr Wheeler was looking at. Mr Wheeler’s head turned back in Oscar’s direction. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Oscar looked away blushing.


Oscar was so embarrassed about Mr Wheeler seeing his rectal thermometer by his bedside that he was barely able to look at him as he held up his Boy Scout uniform for inspection.


He certainly is a very shy boy, Mr Wheeler thought before he spoke: “Well, it looks as if it’s the same,” he said dubiously as he looked at the uniform Oscar was holding, “I know, why don’t you put your uniform on so that you can show me properly… I’ll help you get changed if you like…”


Oscar didn’t know what to do. He knew that grown-ups had every right to take his clothes off and undress him, just like at the paediatric clinic he attended regularly for check-ups… and after all taking his clothes off was exactly what mummy did at every pyjama-time. Oscar also knew there was nothing wrong about grown-ups seeing him in the nude just like like his PE teacher after every games lesson, or the Scoutmaster at Scout Camps and not forgetting that his parents regularly saw him bare too of course. But even though all of his mum’s friends had also seen Oscar naked at one time or another, it still felt a bit unusual for someone he’d only just met for the first time less than half an hour earlier, for that person to take it for granted Oscar would agree to them helping to take his clothes off.


Nevertheless, unusual or not, when Mr Wheeler reached out and without another word spoken, took hold of and pulled up Oscar’s sleeveless school jersey, Oscar obediently lifted up his arms to let his new neighbour take the jersey off. The woollen pullover, V-necked with Oscar’s school colours woven along the boarders, was stretched inside out over Oscar’s head, ruffling up his hair as it did so. 


Mr Wheeler lifted the jersey up and right off as he pulled it free from Oscar’s arms. He tossed the pullover onto Oscar’s bed and immediately brushed his hands over Oscar’s head to straighten the boy’s hair.


Mummy insisted her son always had a traditional schoolboy haircut at the barber’s and Oscar was sent regularly every two weeks to Mr Fenner’s for a trim whether one was needed or not. Oscar’s short-back-and-sides was something else Mr Wheeler had noticed when they met in the living room. He was pleased to see a boy with such a smart schoolboy haircut.


“There… that’s better,” he turned and sat down on Oscar’s bed. “Now, we had better get these school trousers of yours off next don’t you think?”


Faced with this question, Oscar could do nothing but agree to Mr Wheeler’s proposal Whether it was intended to or not, it certainly made the boy even more embarrassed to be asked to to take part in this way in his own undressing.


Unperturbed by Oscar’s obvious embarrassment, Mr Wheeler kept up a running commentary as he undid the metal clasp at the waist of Oscar’s short grey trousers. He talked to Oscar, asking him questions about school; what were his favourite lessons? He asked Oscar about scouts; what did he enjoy most about scouting? Oscar answered politely as he watched what Mr Wheeler was doing.


The confidant, no-nonsense way in which Mr Wheeler unzipped the fly of Oscar’s short trousers served to reinforce his authority over the boy. Mr Wheeler pulled open the fly to reveal Oscar’s briefs and was pleased to see that Oscar wore traditional white cotton junior schoolboy underpants. They were clearly compliant with the uniform regulations of Oscar’s school. None of this boxer shorts nonsense, Mr Wheeler thought as his hands slipped around and eased the open shorts back over Oscar’s bottom.


“Pull up your shirt, Oscar, so you can see what I’m doing… we don’t want your shirt-tails getting in the way, do we?”


“No, sir,” Oscar replied respectfully as he took hold of the bottom of his short-sleeved grey school short and pulled it up to bare his flat, smooth tummy.


“That’s it, Oscar, right up…”


Oscar was made to pull his shirt all the way to the top of his chest. His school tie dangled down below the now rumpled grey shirt, hanging between his tight, pale pink nipples.


“Good boy, Oscar… we’ll soon have you out of this school uniform at this rate, won’t we?” Mr Wheeler said cheerfully as he gave the brief school shorts a gentle tug, guiding them down Oscar’s smooth legs.


Oscar, as his school regulations prescribed, was wearing long grey soft woollen socks. Woven into the turnover tops were Oscar’s school colours, just like they were in his pullover. Mr Wheeler leant down to lift each of Oscar’s legs in turn in order to remove the the boy’s shorts. He put them to one side on Oscar’s bed next to the pullover.


“Right… what shall we take off next, Oscar?” Mr Wheeler asked, making it sound as if it was Oscar’s idea to be undressed by his new neighbour.


Oscar’s pale pink cheeks grew a little darker as he replied: “Please, sir… my socks, sir?” The rising inflection of his reply made it plain how nervous Oscar was feeling.


“Yes, that’s a good idea, Oscar… We may as well get your school socks off while I’m sitting down before we go any further… Come on, you can help… lift up your leg and put your foot on the edge of your bed… that’s it… good boy, Oscar, you’re being very helpful… but don’t forget to keep your shirt pulled up.”


Mr Wheeler was in no rush and took his time as he ran his hand over the soft woollen school socks. He had been pleased to see that Oscar kept his socks pulled up nice and smart, unlike lots of untidy boys Mr Wheeler could mention. Once more he thought what a well brought up boy Oscar was and Mr Wheeler slipped his fingers inside the top of the sock in front of him. He felt the warm flesh of the boy’s smooth leg as he began to slide the sock down to Oscar’s ankle. He lifted the foot up and rested it on his thigh as he eased the sock back over the heel while Oscar concentrated on keeping himself upright standing on one leg while at the same time using both hands to hold up his shirt. Finally Mr Wheeler pulled the sock all the way off Oscar’s foot, baring the boy’s leg right up to the little white underpants. He kept Oscar standing on one foot as he examined the boy’s foot. It was a tempting sight, but Mr Wheeler suppressed the urge to tickle the boy’s toes. Instead he took hold of the leg and placed Oscar’s foot down on the bedroom floor.


“Next leg, Oscar… and I think we’ll have those underpants of yours off once we’ve finished with your school socks… okay?”


Oscar’s pink cheeks turned a shade darker still as he was forced to cope with the knowledge that his underpants were also going to be taken off. Although Oscar knew very well that he wasn’t allowed to wear underpants with his Boy Scout uniform, he was rather hoping he would be spared the shame of having his underpants removed and being bared completely nude in front of his new neighbour.


Almost whispering he replied: “Yes, sir.”


The quiet, nervous voice of Oscar made Mr Wheeler even more aware of just how shy the boy in front of him was. He pulled down and took off the remaining sock from Oscar’s other leg. The socks were added to the growing pile of Oscar’s schoolboy clothes.


Mr Wheeler stretched out an arm. He took hold of Oscar’s left leg and pulled him a little closer, ready to deal with the underpants. With both hands he took hold of Oscar by the waist and had just pushed his fingers into the waistband of the underpants when Oscar’s mother appeared as she walked through the doorway into her son’s bedroom.


Mr Wheeler looked up and spoke to Mrs Pipe: “Oscar is going to put on his Boy Scout uniform so that he can show it to me properly,” he said and began to ease the crisp white underpants back down over Oscar’s bottom, in the process baring it completely. The underpants were tugged down at the front sufficiently for Mr Wheeler to see there was a complete absence of pubic hair at the base of Oscar’s penis… although Oscar’s boyhood for the moment remained covered by the underpants.


“Well I’m not sure there’ll be any time for that this evening,” mum said, clearly not at all bothered that Mr Wheeler was in the middle of undressing her son - far from it, it seemed. After all it was only to be expected that if Oscar wanted to show off his Boy Scout uniform to Mr Wheeler his school uniform would have to come off first.


Unperturbed Mrs Pipe came into the room to turn back the candlewick bedspread in readiness for Oscar’s bedtime. She uncovered the pillow, picked it up, fluffed it up and put it back before taking Oscar’s pyjamas, which had been lying on top of the bedspread, and placing them neatly next to the pillow. She turned to look at Mr Wheeler, who had by that time moved his fingers round to the front of Oscar’s underpants prior to lowering them.


Mrs Pipe spoke: “When you’ve finished undressing Oscar would you bring him downstairs to the living room… it’s very nearly his pyjama-time.”


Oscar glanced wide-eyed at his mother. He looked worried and if he’d had a hand free Oscar would have been sorely tempted to bite a finger-nail or two, something he hadn’t done for ages, as it dawned on him that he was to be expected to go downstairs completely bare naked. He was thirteen for heaven’s sake, but clearly it was to be pyjama-time as usual!


Mr Wheeler noticed the worried expression on Oscar’s face. He also noticed that Mrs Pipe made no attempt to pick up and take Oscar’s pyjamas with her, so obeying her bidding Mr Wheeler carried on getting her son undressed.


Although Oscar’s pyjama-time had become increasingly embarrassing for him, he was in a sense fortunate that at least he wasn’t to be put into a shortie pyjama-top. He should have known there is always a boy worse off than he was, indeed a boy of fifteen who lived near Oscar was regularly put into a shortie pyjama-top during the summer months at his pyjama-time. No matter how much this boy pleaded with his mother that he was too old, that he was fifteen and that boys his age should have pyjama-bottoms as well as pyjama-tops, she would tell him that once she’d finished undressing him in the family room, he was to fetch one of his shortie pyjama-tops. Mr Wheeler wasn’t to know it yet but, like Oscar, this boy’s pyjama-time ritual required him, after he’d been undressed, to go and fetch his pyjamas from his bedroom and bring them back downstairs. Just like Oscar, he would be told to put his pyjamas on a low side table, so that when mummy was quite ready to get him dressed, his pyjamas would be close by.


Oscar couldn’t help but look down and watch his school uniform underpants being pulled slowly down by his new neighbour. With Oscar’s underpants still only halfway down Oscar’s smooth thighs, Mr Wheeler paused to look at the boy’s penis, now fully exposed. It was clear to see that Oscar’s slim penis had already begun to develop as his puberty progressed.


Mr Wheeler smiled and looked up at Oscar: “No hairs yet, then?”


Oscar’s cheeks darkened a little more as he shook his head a little from side to side and mumbled, “No, sir… not yet.”


“Not to worry… some boys don’t get their hairs for ages… you’ll have to be patient.”


This didn’t seem to cheer Oscar up one bit as he watched and lifted each leg in turn so that Mr Wheeler could take off his underpants. Oscar was still holding his grey school shirt up and was now bare from his chest right the way down to his feet. Mr Wheeler stood up, suddenly towering over the boy.


“Right, let’s get the rest of your school uniform off. You heard your mother, it’s nearly your pyjama-time… better not keep her waiting, eh?”


Once more Oscar was forced to respond and agreed to Mr Wheeler carrying on getting him undressed.


“No, sir…”


Next it was Oscar’s school tie that has been dangling down on his bare midriff. Mr Wheeler made a great fuss about pulling up Oscar’s shirt collar and loosening the tie before undoing the knot so that he could take it off to add to the pile of Oscar’s clothes at the foot of his bed.


The thought of how these clothes would have to be folded properly, passed through Mr Wheeler’s mind. Once I’ve got Oscar completely undressed I’ll give him a lesson on how to look after his school uniform, he thought.


Mr Wheeler spoke: “You can let go of your shirt now, Oscar.”


Oscar did as he was told. The shirt flopped down, but the tails, such as they were, didn’t quite reach the boy’s pubis, leaving him bare from there downwards. Mr Wheeler started to unbutton Oscar’s shirt from the top. The buttons were a bit fiddly to undo and it was a few minutes before his fingers reached the bottom button of Oscar’s grey, short-sleeved school shirt. He undid this last button and pulled the shirt open to reveal Oscar’s pale bare chest and small, pale-pink nipples. As he opened the shirt Mr Wheeler’s thumbs brushed across the little nubbins. Oscar shivered as his nipples were touched and his face grew redder still as in his embarrassment he drew attention to its cause.


Mr Wheeler smiled indulgently, “You’re a sensitive one and no mistake… not to worry, Oscar, boys’ nipples can be very sensitive at this stage of… of growing up I mean,” he added when he saw a puzzled look flicker across Oscar’s face.


This of course made Oscar even more embarrassed than ever. Then he got the shock of his young life when his neighbour playfully tweaked his left nipple. It was all over in a second but it made Oscar gasp and squirm when he felt Mr Wheeler’s fingers pinch and twist the tight nubbin. It was the sort of trick Oscar’s PE teacher would play on unsuspecting boys in the school changing-room after gym. The teacher would sneak up behind a boy, reach round and with unerring accuracy pinch the boy’s nipple, giving it a playful tug. 


Mr Wheeler laughed good-naturedly as he let go of Oscar’s nipple. It was, he noted, now a stiff little nubbin though it was undoubtedly a bit sore after being tweaked.


Not giving Oscar a chance to rub his sore nipple, Mr Wheeler pushed the open shirt back over Oscar’s shoulders, baring them in the process. He then leant over and pushed the grey school shirt down Oscar’s arms.


“Turn around for me Oscar so I can take off your shirt.”


Oscar dutifully turned so that his back was now facing Mr Wheeler who then took hold of one of the boy’s arms and pulled it out of the sleeve. Immediately Oscar used his free hand to soothe his nipple. Mr Wheeler smiled as he freed Oscar’s other arm and put the crumpled shirt on the the bed with the rest of Oscar’s school uniform. 


Oscar was now completely bare of course and Mr Wheeler decided that he better give Oscar that lesson on how to fold his clothes properly. Oscar still had his back to Mr Wheeler who leant over the boy’s shoulder making Oscar twist his head and look up to his neighbour.


“Pick up your school shirt, Oscar and show me how you can fold it properly… I’m sure mummy doesn’t want you leaving your clothes in a heap like that.”


Oscar lifted the shirt up and held it in front of Mr Wheeler, clearly unsure what he should do next.


“Come on, Oscar, you must know how to fold your shirt by now… here, let me show you.” And with these words Mr Wheeler set about demonstrating the best way to fold a boy’s school shirt.


He then unfolded it again: “Here you are, Oscar… you try it.”


Oscar’s attempt at shirt folding was not a success and Mr Wheeler was forced to lean over him and take hold of Oscar’s wrists as he patiently guided the boy through the manoeuvers necessary to achieve the perfectly folded boy’s short-sleeved shirt.


“There we are, Oscar and I expect that soon you to be able to show me how well you can fold your shirts,” Mr Wheeler said and thereby implying in future he would be helping Oscar to get ready for his pyjama-time again. “Now, we’d better get a move on… mummy will be wondering what’s taking us so long to get you undressed.”


It was kind of Mr Wheeler to help Oscar fold the rest of his clothes. Socks, short grey school trousers, pullover, shirt, school tie and junior schoolboy underpants all neatly folded and laid out on top of the candlewick bedspread.


“There we are… nice and tidy. That’s much better isn’t it Oscar? Now let’s get you downstairs.”


Mr Wheeler saw Oscar glance in the direction of his pyjamas. He sensed Oscar wanted to say something but was too shy to do so. He probably wants to tell me not to forget his pyjamas, Mr Wheeler thought and smiled to himself, but Mrs Pipe didn’t pick up Oscar’s pyjamas when she came to turn back his bedspread, so I’d better leave them where they are. I’m not familiar with Oscar’s pyjama-time routine so it would be presumptuous of me to do otherwise. Yes, best leave Oscar’s pyjamas where they are, he concluded.


“Get a move on, Oscar, we haven’t got all night,” Mr Wheeler urged the boy when he saw Oscar hesitate slightly before leaving his bedroom. Oscar padded barefoot… and bare everything, along the landing before turning towards the stairs and descending them down into the hall.


Mr Wheeler followed Oscar closely as he climbed down the stairs in front of him. He was right behind Oscar as the boy approached the front-room. Mr Wheeler placed his hands on each of Oscar’s shoulders from behind and they both stood in the doorway.


Mr Wheeler spoke: “Oscar’s ready for his pyjama-time… aren’t you, Oscar?”


He held Oscar’s shoulders firmly, keeping the boy stood in position with his hands at his sides facing his mother. Mrs Pipe waited and looked at her son expectantly. Oscar realised he’d have to say something and thereby acknowledge that he was standing naked in the doorway of the front-room. It took a few seconds before Oscar answered.


“... er, I’m ready for my pyjama-time…” he said blushing more profusely than ever. 


“Well, I am pleased,” Mrs Pipe said, before adding, “Sometimes you make such a fuss when I get you ready for your pyjama-time… and now here you are standing there all undressed and ready to be put into your pyjamas without any fuss at all. I wonder if I shouldn’t ask Mr Wheeler to come and help me get you ready more often…” Mrs Pipe suddenly stopped and looked up at Mr Wheeler in the doorway. “Oh, I am sorry, that was very discourteous of me… I expect you’ve got better things to do than to get Oscar undressed and ready for his pyjama-time.”


Mr Wheeler was honoured to be asked: “Why, I’d be delighted to help you with Oscar whenever you need an extra pair of hands… I’m only next door, so just let me know.”


It has to be said that the look on Oscar’s face was not one of unalloyed joy. Had he but known that his expression only served to confirm his mother’s view that an extra pair of hands would indeed be very useful, Oscar might have attempted to keep a straight face instead instead of the anxious frown he was wearing.


“Thank you, I most certainly will,” Mrs Pipe said in reply.


Mr Wheeler stood behind her naked son. What he did not expect was Mrs Pipe’s seemingly utter lack of concern, almost bordering on contempt, for Oscar’s obvious discomfort, not to say embarrassment, as he stood totally bare in the doorway. Once more Mr Wheeler marvelled at the casual indifference shown by mothers towards their son’s nudity, a subject of which he’d had some personal experience in his own teen years.


Mrs Pipe addressed her son: “Where are your pyjamas, Oscar?” she asked.


“I’m afraid they’ve been left upstairs,” Mr Wheeler apologised on Oscar’s behalf, “Oscar didn’t say anything and I assumed…”


“It’s not your fault… Oscar should have told you. Never mind,” she said waving a hand dismissively, palm facing outwards, above her head, “Oscar can go and fetch his pyjamas in a minute.” She turned and told Oscar to go and get the footstool so that he could have somewhere to sit while he waited.


The ‘minute’ turned out to be somewhat longer than sixty seconds and inevitably Oscar began to fidget. After the second time of being ticked off, Oscar was ordered to sit on his hands in an attempt to stop him fidgeting.


Five minutes later Oscar was again admonished for fidgeting. This time he was told to put his hands on his hand as he sat on the footstool. After sitting naked on the footstool in the middle of the front-room with his hands on his head for a further ten minutes, Oscar was finally told by his mother to go and fetch his pyjamas from his bedroom.


Relieved to leave the room and to be out of sight of his mother and Mr Wheeler, Oscar went back upstairs to his bedroom. He picked up his boy’s pyjamas, but knew better than to put them on and somewhat slowly returned to the front room where Mr Wheeler and his mother were still chatting away, seemingly unconcerned by the naked boy bringing his pyjamas.


“Put your pyjamas down there,” his mother said pointing to the small table by her chair, “We’ll get you ready for bedtime in a moment.” She turned back to continue her conversation with Mr Wheeler. Oscar stood and waited. He hadn’t been told to sit down again and was obedient enough not to do so unless he was given permission. This of course made him feel more exposed than ever and there was a real concern that at any moment someone would call round to visit his mother. Like any boy left naked waiting to be put into his pyjamas, he just wished mummy would get on with it so he didn’t feel so nervous and vulnerable. 


Oscar couldn’t help himself and it wasn’t more than a minute later that he was told off for fidgeting again.


“For heaven’s sake sit down, Oscar,” Mrs Pipe snapped, “and you can put your hands back on your head.” She turned to her neighbour: “Honestly, Oscar can’t keep still for more than two minutes.”


Mr Wheeler smiled: “I’m afraid thirteen year old boys are not renowned for their patience.”


Mrs Pipe sighed: “How true…”


Oscar did as he was told and looked almost relieved to be sat down rather than standing, perhaps feeling a little less as if he was on display.


When mummy did eventually pick up Oscar’s pyjamas it was only to show them to Mr Wheeler. She passed him Oscar’s pyjama bottoms and Mr Wheeler examined them thoroughly. He looked up at Oscar who blushed when he saw his neighbour deliberately checking the front of the pyjama bottoms for any signs of naughty nighttime behaviour… at least that’s what Oscar guiltily thought Mr Wheeler was doing and he blushed a deeper red accordingly.


Mrs Pipe noticed what her neighbour was doing: “Yes, I’m afraid Oscar has reached that age,” she observed.


“You mean Oscar has started to play with himself… masturbate, I mean?”


This was a bombshell and no mistake for Oscar. He thought he’d been so careful and that his secret was safe. Mummy hadn’t said anything and like all boys he thought she would never suspect that he played with himself. Now for some reason she felt able to talk openly to their new neighbour no matter how shameful it was for Oscar to be exposed as a boy masturbator in front of them as if it was no big deal.


But it was. A very big deal and Mrs Pipe was relieved to be able to talk to her new neighbour about what she called Oscar’s ‘boy problem’. She had known for some time that her son masturbated, but didn’t know what to do. She had talked privately to Oscar’s paediatrician who had simply told her that it was a phase lots of boys go through and not to worry, Oscar would soon grow out of it.


From the tone of her voice Mr Wheeler could tell the sort of advice Mrs Pipe wanted to hear: “Would you like me to have a little talk with Oscar?” he suggested, “I mean, I know that we’ve only just met, but if it would help…” he paused for a brief second before sympathetically adding, “This can be a difficult time for boys of Oscar’s age when they begin to grow up and see their bodies developing… the onset of puberty can be very confusing for them.” 


There was an unmistakable look of relief on Mrs Pipe’s face as she replied: “Would you? Could you? It would certainly put my mind at rest about it… you know I spoke to Oscar’s paediatrician about him masturbating and…”


Her words were cut short by a shocked response from Oscar, sat naked in the middle of the room on a footstool with his hands pressed firmly on his head. This was too much: “Oh MUMYou didn’t… mum… please…


It was clear that Oscar was very upset to learn that his mother had talked to his paediatrician, but when he saw the look in her eyes he knew that he better not say any more. It wasn’t fair. Mums didn’t realise just how embarrassing it was for them to be talking about what their sons got up to, especially when the boy is convinced he’s been so careful that he thinks his mum would never guess.


Mrs Pipe continued: “... and, well, let’s just say that they weren’t very helpful.”


Mr Wheeler was sympathetic: “That’s a shame. I would have thought they’d have been a lot more supportive.”


“Yes, I agree, but that’s why I’d be so grateful if you would have a little talk with Oscar about it… about masturbation I mean.”


Although he realised how embarrassing it must have been for Oscar to be sitting naked in front of them as they discussed his masturbation ‘problem’ as if he wasn’t in the room, Mr Wheeler wasn’t about to let that bother him. “Maybe later… when you’ve put him to bed.”


Mrs Pipe thought this a splendid idea and picked up Oscar’s pyjama-top.


“It’s about time we got you into your pyjamas, Oscar,” she said, in a tone that made it sound as if it was Oscar who was responsible for the delay in getting him dressed for bedtime. This came as a relief to Oscar who instantly stood up and went to stand in front of his mother, eager to be put into his pyjamas at last. He had been naked for almost an hour since their new neighbour, Mr Wheeler had undressed him in his bedroom. Oscar didn’t fancy the idea of the ‘talk’, but it couldn’t be as bad as spending half the evening in the nude… could it?


As it turned out the talk wasn’t as bad as Oscar had feared. Nonetheless it was still a nerve-racking experience for the thirteen year old. Oscar had only ever talked to his close friends about wanking and certainly the subject of masturbation had never been broached in the presence of a grown-up before, least of all his mother. As boys of Oscar’s age always do he was sure his mother would never find out or even suspect that he masturbated. In fact Oscar and his friends were pretty certain that mums didn’t even know what wanking was. So lying tucked up in bed and having to talk about masturbation with Mr Wheeler was a new and anxiety inducing experience to say the least.


“You know lots of boys think their mums don’t know what they get up to, Oscar, but you’d be surprised… you’re just lucky you haven’t been caught,” Mr Wheeler told him.


“I think you know it is naughty to play with your penis, don’t you, Oscar? But I know that’s not going to stop you. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you told me you masturbated with your friends.” The look on Oscar’s face confirmed Mr Wheeler’s suspicion. “Yes, I thought so. I bet there’s a lot of rivalry among you and your mates… encouraging each other, daring and egging each other on as you masturbate in front of each other. Isn’t that what you do, Oscar?”


Oscar couldn’t bring himself to admit to Mr Wheeler that he did indeed masturbate with his friends. Blushing he simply nodded.


“Yes, I thought as much. But you must realise, Oscar, that masturbating whether it’s with your mates, your best buddy, or on your own, you have to learn to control yourself… do you understand?”


Oscar again nodded shyly.


“So what I want you to think about, Oscar, is whether you are going to be a good boy and be open with me and tell me what you get up to so we can talk about it, or whether you are gong to be secretive and try to hide what you’ve been doing. It’s no use thinking that your mum won’t find out what you’ve been up to, because she will…” Oscar looked alarmed, but Mr Wheeler assured him, “Don’t worry I won’t tell her because I won’t need to… mums are like that, they find out things, that’s what they do. So it’s all about controlling yourself, Oscar and that’s where I want to help. I want you to learn to masturbate responsibly… will you do that for me?”


Again Oscar nodded even though he was unsure what masturbating responsibly meant. He simply wanted the talk to finish so that he could have a good wank before he went to sleep. All this talk about masturbation had naturally resulted in an erection which Oscar prayed Mr Wheeler hadn’t noticed. Oscar shifted about in bed as he tried to make less obvious what was happening underneath the blankets.


“That’s good, Oscar… now, so that I can help you do that, I need you to keep a record of when you masturbate… a masturbation diary. Can you do that?”


Oscar was horrified and the expression on his face reflected how he felt.


Mr Wheeler smiled indulgently: “Oscar, I know how often boys your age masturbate.” He looked down at the bump about halfway down the bed that Oscar hadn’t managed to completely disguise. “And I can see that’s what you can’t wait to do the minute I go… well, be careful when you do, Oscar and try not to make a mess… you’re spunking up now, aren’t you?”


Oscar visibly squirmed. Of course he was spunking up! He was thirteen! Shyly, he nodded.


“Yes, I thought so… now in future every week you and I will sit down and you will show me your diary… your masturbation diary and we’ll talk about what you’ve been up to… agreed?”


Oscar had little choice but to agree.


Mrs Pipe was thrilled when back downstairs in the living room Mr Wheeler told her how Oscar had agreed to meet him each week to have a chat about what he called ‘boy stuff’. Mrs Pipe suggested the meetings take place at Mr Wheeler’s house. She explained: “Oscar is more likely to talk to you at your house than he would do at home.”



Tuesday, 26 May 2026

Family Values - Bobby’s Tale

 

I don’t mean to complain or to sound ungrateful, but had just turned fourteen and had started into puberty. Ok, so I hadn’t got any hairs yet and maybe that’s why mum wasn’t at all concerned about me being seen naked by our neighbours across the road.


It wasn’t as if they had a proper swimming pool. It was just a big, old-fashioned, inflatable paddling-pool. It wasn’t that deep either, probably not even two foot at most, so I couldn’t understand why I could just wear some shorts to play in with the girls, the daughters of our neighbours, Mr and Mrs Green.


“But they’ll be wearing their swimsuits, darling,” mum would explain, “and besides you’d only get your clothes all wet…”


“But mum…” I whined. You might wonder why, but you see I didn’t have a swimsuit of any description to call my own, so I knew that meant I’d have to be naked to play in the pool with the girls. Mum didn’t think it was necessary to bother with the expense of buying a swimsuit for me. “You’d only grow out it,” was her verdict. Anyway, we always went to ‘family friendly’ beaches on holiday where I could run around in the nude and no one minded in the least. Ok, it was no big deal when I was a little kid, but mum didn’t seem to realise that I was growing up and boys, especially when they get to their teens like me, start to feel increasingly body-conscious. Embarrassed when, like me, they knew that everyone can see their penis. Even at fourteen I wasn’t allowed to cover up. Nothing had been said specifically, but I knew it would be considered bad manners to cup my hands between my legs in front of anyone.


So when mum told me to get undressed because we’d been invited to our neighbours over the road, I knew what I was in for. “Come on, Bobby… get a move on!” she called out as upstairs in my bedroom I sighed and obediently took my clothes off, leaving them in a pile on my bed.


It’s difficult to describe how I felt as I caught sight of myself naked in my bedroom mirror. Nervous, yes, but also with a sense of weary resignation, like I was saying to myself, “Here we go again…”. I knew there was no getting out it. Being by nature an obedient boy I would do as I was told, never mind the embarrassment it caused me. It wasn’t as if I ever got used to being seen naked, because I didn’t. Being totally bare in front of everyone was always a ghastly experience. I hated that anyone and everyone could see everything, but I guess I was always a bit on the shy side. But, hey who wouldn’t be knowing I was about to go downstairs, leaving my clothes in my bedroom, and face another afternoon in the nude in our neighbour’s garden playing in their paddling-pool with the girls.


With the usual feeling of trepidation that only grew stronger the further away I was from my clothes, I left my bedroom and stood at the top of the stairs. I knew I was going to be seen naked and remain naked in front of everyone at the Green’s house. I was definitely tense, but also oddly excited, although not in the way you might think. For sure my heart rate increased and this was accompanied by the sort of nervous tingle you get when you know you’re about to do something daring. Part of you wants to do it and get it over with and the other part, afraid of what’s about  happen, wants to hold back. Sounds strange, but that’s what it felt like.


In the hallway mum, as she inevitably did, held out her arm and I, as I was expected to, took hold of her hand. I saw dad came out of the living room with his video camera and my heart sank. Mr Green, the girls’ dad, had got himself a camera as well and the two dads were forever videoing us and talking about ideas and exchanging tips and comparing camera kit. I reckon they were in competition with each other. Although I didn’t understand why they spent so much time videoing me and the girls as we played in the Green’s garden. I thought that anyone being made to watch the videos dad and Mr Green had made would be bored stiff after the first couple of minutes.


With mum still holding my hand, dad would take my other hand when we were outside our house and about to cross the road. When I was a kid they would lift me up and swing me between them as they walked over to the Green’s house. Now, with me aged fourteen, mum and dad would still swing their arms, making me swing mine as they held my hands. Of course I was totally on display, with no means to cover my nob even if I dared to. Now I was in my teens it wasn’t only my arms that were swinging, not that it bothered either mum or dad in the least bit. If they noticed, they never said anything.


The girls, all three of them, had already changed into their one-piece swimsuits and were waiting our arrival in the garden. Wendy was Shelley’s bestie, both the same age as me, and Kim was Shelley’s younger sister. 


The three of them were always coming up with pranks to play on me, like they found some water-wings and made me wear them when I came over to play in the paddling-pool. I looked really stupid, but if that wasn’t bad enough, the next time they had some flippers which they made me put on my feet. I’m sure the girls must have known what would happen, because I had to lift my legs up really high when I wanted to walk anywhere and you know what that meant. My penis bounced and slapped from thigh to thigh as I did my silly, high-kicking walk. Needless to say it was all captured on dad’s and Mr Green’s video cameras.


Then there was the garden sprinkler. One of the so-called ‘fun’ games the girls made me join in was to leap-frog through the spray. Crouching down with my arms between my wide open thighs and my hands pressed on the grass, like I used to do in the the Cubs. I would have to spring up and hop from one side of the garden to the other through the spray from the sprinkler in a game of froggy-tag. The object being for me to chase the girls as they ran about in an attempt to get close enough to touch them which was almost impossible as they could run whereas I could only hop. The trouble was that all that hopping and bouncing about would sometimes end in me getting a boner. Before you ask, yes, it was hugely embarrassing. There was nothing I could do to stop it happening and nothing I could do to make it go down. The obvious method to speed up the process of deflation was not an option. Of course the girls would giggle and laugh at my predicament, pointing as my erection bobbed from side-to-side. The grown-ups took it in their stride; the girls were having a bit of fun and boys ought to learn how to control themselves. Somehow it was my fault.


Quite often other friends or relations would drop by the Green’s house. On one memorable occasion I was made to help out at an impromptu lunchtime barbeque and as my clothes were over the road in my bedroom, I was left totally nude. When I complained and asked mum  if I could go back to our house and put on some clothes, she simply said that as I would be playing in the paddling-pool again later, “...not to bother... what’s the point?” So I was left naked to help pass the plates of food around. As you can imagine I received plenty of cheeky remarks and the odd pat on my bare bottom as well.


That day was also memorable for another reason. You see later on when we’d finished playing in the garden, and with me still bare, mum and dad were invited indoors for drinks. The girls all went to change out of their swimming costumes and got dressed, leaving me still naked. Why is it that no one seems to care about leaving a boy bare nude? Indoors the two dads started to discuss the videos they’d both been making during the day and asked all the other guests if they’d like to watch what dad lightheartedly called the ‘dailies’. Everyone, particularly the girls were all keen to see the videos. Just then some more friends turned up. They were surprised to see a nude boy, since everyone else was fully dressed, but mum told them how I’d been playing in the paddling-pool with the girls and that seemed to satisfy them. Perhaps they thought I didn’t want to get dressed.


“We’re just about to watch some videos of the children playing in the garden today… would you like to join us?” mum asked.


As if I wasn’t already embarrassed enough I had to sit there on the floor at everyone’s feet, legs crossed ‘injun’ style, and watch myself on the big 65” OLED TV screen larking about in the nude earlier in the day. It was totally humiliating. I couldn’t believe how clearly you could see all my boy-bits flopping about. My penis was bouncing all over the place, slapping my legs as I ran about naked chasing the girls. Whenever I appeared in shot everyone in the room burst out laughing. I heard someone say, “Bobby by name and bobby by nature!” This brought another huge laugh. I knew what they were all laughing at… my penis ‘bobbing’ about, that’s what! And there I was still totally naked in the room with them, while they all watched my nude antics in the garden, playing games with the girls who were all wearing their modest one-piece swimsuits. 


Embarrassing doesn’t even begin to describe what it was like to be there in the room having to sit there and watch myself in the video. 


It got worse.


‘It’ was an older video that dad and Mr Green had made. As everyone had enjoyed themselves so much watching the afternoon games in the garden dad asked if they would like to watch a video of my thirteenth birthday party.


My reaction was instant: “OH NO!!! PLEASE DAD… PLEASE, NOT THAT ONE.”


But of course I was out-voted as everyone in the room, apart from me, wanted to watch my birthday video.


While my dad and Mr Green sorted out the video, I couldn’t help but remind myself of what I’d had to endure on that day and what everyone in the room was about to see…


Needless to say the girls had had a great deal to do with organising my thirteenth birthday party, the day I was to officially became a teen; the day to which I reckon every twelve year old boy looks forward. Unbeknownst to me at the time there had been secret conversations between the girls and my parents. Of course I never knew what they were planning until it was too late and my big day arrived. 


It was only at breakfast while I was still in my pyjamas that mum told me the girls had helped her to organise a birthday party for me, making it sound as if it was something I should be thrilled to hear. I wasn’t. I knew what the girls were capable of, but mum must have seen the look on my face and to cheer me up told me how the girls had a special surprise in store for me. Well, I thought it would be something special; a surprise so special that it involved my parents. It certainly had been special alright and now I was about to undergo the experience of watching the video of my special day all over again with yet more grown ups including some friends of the Green’s that I hadn’t even met before and didn’t know from Adam.


After breakfast I went and had a shower. It was then that events took a turn in a totally unexpected direction. When I got back to my bedroom to get dressed mum was there. I looked down on my bed where I expected to see the clothes she had put out for me to wear for my birthday. But there weren’t any clothes, just a brightly-coloured party hat, a bow-tie and underneath these, what looked like a pair of shirt-cuffs, cuffs on their own without any sleeves.


I looked up at mum: “What are these?” I asked, totally confused.


“It’s your birthday suit, darling…”


“What? Is that it? C’mon, mum… you’re joking, where are my clothes?”


“I told you… it’s your birthday suit, darling… you’ve got to wear your birthday suit on your birthday…”


The awful news sunk in. Mum wasn’t joking: “… but… I’ll be bare…” I protested.


“Nonesense, darling… you’ll be wearing your bow-tie and shirt-cuffs as well as your party hat… so you won’t be completely bare now will you?”


Was I seriously expected to agree with that logic; that I wouldn’t be stark naked because I was wearing a bow-tie and a colourful, conical cardboard party hat and shirt-cuffs? No way, José. But mum wasn’t having any of it. It didn’t matter to her what I thought and just as I was trying to get my head round the idea I would be naked, at least as near naked as made no odds, on my own birthday, mum dropped another bombshell. I was told it was going to be fun across the road at my party.


“What do you mean ‘across the road’?” This was news to me. I mean I’d been told the girls had been involved in planning my birthday party, but I never thought it was going to be held over the road at the Green’s house. That meant of course that I would be walking across the road to their house in the nude… dur, sorry, my birthday suit.


I was so totally flabbergasted by this turn of events that I just stood there dumstrick and let mum get me ‘dressed’.


“It was the girls idea,” mum explained brightly as she put on my bow-tie and party hat. I didn’t doubt that for a moment. “Isn’t that nice of them to want to do something special for your thirteenth birthday? You’ll be a teenager, just like Wendy and Shelley…”


Wendy and Shelley were a few months older than me, but I don’t recall them wearing their birthday suits on their birthdays. No, of course they didn’t. They were girls. It was only because I was a boy that everyone seemed to think it was okay for me to wear my birthday suit on my birthday to my birthday party in front of all the guests. That’s when it hit me. What about the guests? Who was going to be there? How many of my friends would be at the party? How many of my parents’ friends? How many of my relations? In other words, how many people were going to see me ‘dressed’ in my birthday suit at my birthday party? It was like I’d been poleaxed.


Mum slipped the linen shirt-cuffs over my hands and onto my wrists. I was so stunned at the thought of what was about to happen that all I could do was to stand still and let mum get on with it. I caught sight of myself in my bedroom mirror as mum fiddled with the shirt-cuffs. I looked really stupid. The thin elastic strap of the party hat was tight under my chin and the bow-tie and cuffs looked ridiculous on my otherwise bare body.


“Mum,” I whined, “Do I have to…? Can’t I wear some shorts, or something?”


“Don’t be silly, darling… the girls have told everyone and they’re all looking forward to seeing you in your birthday suit…” There was that word ‘everyone’. Just how many did that signify?  Mum fiddled about some more with the shirt-cuffs. “You want to look nice and smart, don’t you?” she said and once happy the cuffs were fitted to her satisfaction, added, “Now come along downstairs… there’s a little extra surprise for you before we go to your party…”


If I was expecting a birthday present I was about to be disappointed. The ‘little surprise’ turned out to be a marker pen which mum then used to write the number ‘13’ on my chest. This was another idea of the girls apparently… I might have known.


Needless to say dad was already busy videoing me with his new camera, the results of which were now being shown to everyone gathered, me included, in the Green’s living-room.


“The girls thought it would add to your birthday surprise if we put this little blindfold on you before we took you over the road for your party…” mum said as she produced a piece of cloth. 


Now I really was worried. I couldn’t believe mum and dad had gone along with the birthday suit idea in the first place, but a blindfold?! Were they mad? No, of course not. They thought it was ever such a sweet, innocent idea of the girls. When I protested mum simply said not to be a spoilsport, “It’ll be fun,” she added as she tied the cloth around my head, covering my eyes. “Now no peeking, Bobby… remember, it’s to be a big surprise.”


Dad must have gone on a little way ahead, because on the video we were all watching you could see me being led out of our house and standing by the side of the road holding mum’s hand. I’d heard a car coming up the road and the driver tooted the car horn as it got nearer. Being blindfolded I had no idea who it was, but mum told me to wave and as I did so with my free hand the driver tooted the horn again. That made me more nervous than ever.


I didn’t know how many friends and family would be at my party. In dad’s video you can see how many there were there, but at the time I hadn’t got a clue. At first it was really quiet and as far as I was concerned I wondered if there was anyone there at all. Didn’t anybody stop and think what it would be like for me, thirteen years old, to be standing blindfolded, dressed in nothing more than a party hat, a bow tie and a pair of shirt-cuffs with no clue as to how many people were watching me? No, of course not. Huh, great fun for them I guess, but what about me? 


Although at the time I could sense there were people around me it wasn’t until they started to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ that I realised there were an awful lot of people staring at me dressed in my humiliating birthday outfit. Crikey, I was so embarrassed… and that was even before my blindfold had been taken off!


Dad had zoomed in with his camera so that my face filled the screen. You could see how shocked I was when one of the girls took off my blindfold. Everyone who was watching the video laughed when they saw my horrified expression. To them it was nothing more than a harmless, wholesome prank played on a surprised birthday boy. But for me, even though it was over a year ago and I’d seen the video loads of times, it still sent shivers down my spine as I was forced to live through the experience once more. I soon found the only way to cope was to put on a brave face and try to make out that it was no big deal. After all I was a boy and boys are supposed to be able to handle this sort of situation and learn to take it in their stride. 


Whenever I heard people chuckling when they saw me in my birthday suit with ‘13’ written across my chest I knew they would turn to look at me in the flesh, as if to compare me with what they were seeing on the screen. I would force myself to grin and put on an aw shucks expression as if being naked for my thirteenth birthday was something I myself had chosen to do; like I was silly enough to go totally bare to my birthday party… y’know, as if I wasn’t wearing any clothes for a prank.


In dad’s video you see how the girls had gone to a lot of trouble with all the decorations. There were lots of balloons and streamers everywhere and tables laden with party food. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was bare naked apart from the silly cuffs, hat and bow-tie that mum had me wearing, I would have been thrilled to be at my party. As it was… in case I haven’t made it abundantly clear already… I was the only one there without any clothes on surrounded by my friends in their best party outfits.


Seeing the video again in a roomful of people as I sat on the floor in front of them, I tried hard not to to look concerned; watching it as if it was someone else’s birthday party I was looking at, but it didn’t help. I still felt as embarrassed as ever. You see, I knew what was coming up next and I knew it would get an even bigger laugh from everyone. 


It was awful waiting knowing what was going to happen to me in the video. I would feel my heart racing and sometimes I’d try not to look at the screen, but I just couldn’t stop myself. It was like I had to watch, transfixed by the sight of my thirteen year old self being led over to a table upon which was displayed my birthday cake. 


Of course at the time I didn’t know what awaited me and that made it somehow worse for me as I sat there watching myself on the video. It was almost like I wanted to reach out and warn myself what was about to happen. Of course that was impossible, so I had to sit there and watch as I saw Wendy and Shelley guide me to the table. A chair had been placed in front of the table and the girls sat me down facing my cake on which thirteen candles had been lit. I could see the words “Happy Birthday Bobby” had been carefully piped in coloured icing between the candles. There were chocolate sprinkles all around the side and lots of little coloured chocolate beans on the top. You could see by the look in my eyes that I was delighted to have such a fantastic birthday cake and by the way I was smiling you might of imagined that I’d forgotten that all I had on was a bow-tie, party hat and some shirt-cuffs.


Everyone in the room at my party watched me expectantly as I was told to blow out my birthday candles and if I did it in one go I was to close my eyes to make a wish. I looked up into dad’s video camera beaming from ear-to-ear, as if thrilled to have been given such a terrific birthday cake. Then I leant forward and twisted my head along the row of candles, took a deep breath and blew them all out in one go. I straightened my head and closed my eyes. As I made my wish I felt hands on the back of my head and second later my face was pushed down, straight into my birthday cake! A few seconds ago I’d been admiring the cake and now I was forced to take a much closer look as my face was pressed into a mixture of chocolate, cream, jam, sprinkles and sponge. 


In the video I could see that it was Wendy and Shelley who had pushed my head into the cake, but at the time I had no idea who it was. Within seconds my face was smeared with chocolate, bits of sponge and cream as the girls pushed my head from side to side to make sure my face was properly covered. Wendy gripped a handful of my hair and lifted my head up to cheers and laughter from the guests on the day as well as those watching dad’s video of the proceedings. Pieces of chocolate flake and chocolate buttons were stuck to my forehead, chin and nose. The creamy mixture smothered my face and dripped from my chin. Some of it was so thick that I couldn’t see what was happening until I scraped some of it from around my eyes. When I watched myself in the video, and humiliating as that was, it was difficult not to see the funny side of my predicament.


The look of disappointment on my messy face always got a few sympathetic ‘ahhs’ from those who saw the video. I guess it was some recompense for the humiliation I’d endured on my birthday. But now I had to contend with the thought of having to watch my thirteen year old self playing party games after mum and the girls wiped my face.


Thankfully dad didn’t show them the video of me in my Easter bunny outfit from earlier in the year. I don’t know why they thought it was a good idea for me to wear bunny ears. It was to be a surprise for the girls, a reward for all their hard work in preparing my birthday party, so I was very reluctantly dressed in a bunny costume complete with a straw basket in which to put the Easter eggs our parents had hidden in our gardens. The trouble for me was that I was wearing bunny paws on both my hands and feet, so I was at a distinct disadvantage when it came to collecting the eggs, so the girls got nearly all of them. Even though I was thirteen, I was almost in tears at not having any chocolate eggs in my bunny basket, so mum made the girls give me one each of their Easter eggs. It still meant I only had three against the loads they had managed to collect, but when you’re a boy you have to put up with these things.


I had to wonder why my parents seemed to go out of their way to embarrass me. I know they didn’t do it deliberately and I don’t think they even realised how much they were humiliating me in the process. They simply hadn’t noticed that I had grown older, that I was a teenager and not a little boy of six or seven any more. I’m sure mum thought it was cute to dress me up in a festive costume. The trouble was that most of the time these costumes were very revealing and didn’t leave much room for modesty. I think perhaps mum dressed me up so that dad could have something to video, otherwise, let’s face it, most home movies can be incredibly boring. Maybe she thought that it would make dad’s family videos more interesting to have me running about in some silly costume… or totally naked as happened often enough. I tell you it was dead embarrassing when you’re thirteen to have your dad come into the bathroom with his video camera at the ready while mum’s giving you a bath.


Now of course I have a complete record of all the humiliations I endured as a boy growing up and you know sometimes they can be fun to watch on a cold winter’s evening when there’s nothing worth watching on TV…